Breaking Down the Bully

At an age when young people are trying to define who they are, the presence of a bully can be very destructive. Being picked on can deal a heavy blow to the development of a teenagers self-esteem, and can prevent them from flourishing into the social beings that they need to become in order to function in society. Unfortunately, no one is immune to this and everyone feel the negative impact when it takes place.

Bullying comes in several forms. The typical bullying situation is the one that we are most familiar with and it is most prevalent during the elementary school years. The kid who is in the sixth grade for the fourth year in a row is a typical model for this type of bully. With size and intimidation, he strikes fear in his fellow schoolmates. We have all seen the family movies and sitcoms of the 1980s explore this situation ad nausea um, so there is little left to be said about it.

Another type of bullying occurs through peer pressure. With the inherent need that an adolescent has to belong to a peer group, they feel the extreme pressure to do things they would not normally do. There is the situation of the teen that starts smoking in order to fit in with the smokers. There are the teens that will do something illegal to “prove” themselves to others in order to feel accepted. There are adolescents who will participate in all forms of sexual debauchery for little more than to fulfill their sense of belonging.

In the last couple decades, bullying has taken on an entirely different level. Those who are being bullied are striking back - and with a vengeance. A parent needs only to turn on the news to hear of numerous instances of bullied victims fighting back. Adolescents are making “hit lists,” bringing guns to school, committing suicide, and in even more extreme cases, killing those who have bullied them and made them feel less than accepted.

Although options are few, there are recourses that concerned parents can take before the situation turns extreme. While one parent contacting the school officials or authorities might be embarrassing to their teen, parents of other affected teens gathering together to confront the situation would be empowering. Whereas a single parent making a complaint would likely make more problems at the school between the teen and the bully, several parents complaining would have more of an effect on the bully’s actions.

It is important to keep in mind that most bullies act that way for a reason. Whether it is a reaction to something that is happening in their own home, or the need to exercise control over another person, it can be helpful to remember these things when trying help your children figure out how best to deal with the situation. Work hard to build up your child’s sense of self-worth at home and remind them constantly that they have your endless support.

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